There are obvious truths that are painful to express publicly, yet very many women groan with as it is considered as shameful and big disgrace if any woman cries out loud. This is because the society views it as a taboo, for fear of name calling and stigmatization. JENNIFER YARIMA writes.
How long then should one continue to suffer in silence? Someone might be wondering what is that hurting that mustn’t be mentioned or is unheard of.
I recently met a lady in distress for six years of her marriage and she could not tell anyone the reason until she was unable to endure the torment any longer. This was as a result of faulty foundation of their relationship and the fact that she took certain things for granted. Courtships among young people nowadays need proper background checks to ensure both know much about whom they intend to spend the rest of their lives with. The person’s family background is very significant because it further gives better understanding to one’s decision.
This young lady from Plateau State is married to a man from Ebonyi State all in Nigeria. According to her, she loved her suitor so much and proposed marriage which they did after all necessary traditional rites were carried out, then of course the solemnization was held in a Catholic church. Though as excellent as these arrangements were, the innocent girl ran into what she termed as a great danger because she seem to find herself in a dilemma.
Every young couple goes into marriage with great expectations and of course the society watches out for positive outcome of such union. Without mincing words, in-laws are more curious to see whether the woman they marry is capable of bearing children. Few months afterwards if nothing happens, lots of questions and accusations arise from different quarters even if she is not at fault. No one bothers to know whether the man is not forth coming. Women tend to be more at a disadvantaged side when it comes to certain family issues as such.
This lady in question narrated that few days after her marriage, she experienced the unusual attitude of her husband which led to him not meeting her sexual needs. What he does almost on daily basis was to have fore play with her that would usher her into just satisfying her urge. At the point of love making, the man wouldn’t do anything as his manhood was completely collapse. She couldn’t understand nor give an explanation to what was happening as this continued days, months and years after her marriage. When she expressed her worry over the mishap, it became a serious issue between them. He alleged that she had defects that needed to be checked medically.
Even though that sounded odd to her, she never argued with him but went to a health care centre which had standard facilities that could identify any of such related problems. When she carried out the necessary steps, she was told she was fertile and can give birth to children. Despite her thorough check, it did not yield any positive results. She was advised that he too should subject himself to same check to enable them establish facts of the lingering problem.
At this point, her in-laws were becoming apprehensive as the expected blessing of the womb was not forth-coming. The woman after persuading him, he told her that he was not interested in children. This statement automatically send shivers down her nerves to understanding the obvious that she was indeed in a deep problem. What would she tell the world, that her husband had never slept with her? Who then would believe her story? She was left all alone with her troubles as she didn’t want it to go public for the fear that her husband would be disrespected and she would be mocked at.
When obvious questions started springing up, she kept covering her shame saying her husband is not interested in having children. The irony of the whole thing is that she is married to an Ibo man and the whole world knows them with love for children, how can his own be an exception? Only he who feels it knows it. Going through all these years of turmoil, she felt the best way out was for her to open up to let her parents and in-laws know the issue she had kept mute about all these years.
When the cat was let out of the bag eventually, everyone began to salute her courage and the families decided to come together to find possible ways of finding a solution. The simple question she asked them brought each one to the reality that she has gone through a lot. She said, can anyone endure what she has gone through? In her words, she said if the man had been sexually satisfying her, even if it is once in a while, she can make up her mind to stay. But in this case, she said this is a point of no return.
Her worry now is even after she has left his house; he still troubles her and threatens that he would kill anyone that he sees around her. Her plea is to get her things out of his house which he strongly opposed to even when it took the intervention of some respected persons within the community. He has suddenly turned out to be very aggressive towards even her parents.
I earlier asked her if she has intimated the church about this unhealthy development and she confirmed to have informed the Reverend Father. There is no doubt that from whichever angle this case is viewed, this woman is surely in a serious predicament. It also becomes so dicey when some clergy are of the opinion that marriage should not be hinged on sexual relationships only. For many however, aside procreation, sexual relationship is an integral part of marriage basically from whichever perspective this issue is critically analyzed.
Now that her husband is completely sexually inactive and jealous, should she continue with the marriage vow, or seek for an alternative of living her life for good? In any case, since her husband was not sincere about his sexual status during their courtship, is she under any obligation to continue to live under his roof more so now that he is sexually deficient?
The woman for her own good has decided to end the marriage and start a new life which she thinks with time, her wounds would be healed
The action of this man has left a big question mark on his personality as to whether all is well physically and spiritually. The issue at stake is why he doesn’t want to let her go. In the interest of peace, she should report to the security of the harassment she is experiencing and notify them any day she intends to go to the house to get her belongings.
She needs to be more prayerful now for God’s divine intervention if not, her life would be ruined. For the man, whatever he has off his sleeves, his conscience will judge him.
To our readers, your kind advise and opinion on this matter would be greatly appreciated as it might serve as help for people in such a distress.
