By YVONNE ISHOLA
One of the trends that Nigeria has embraced that has more disadvantages than advantages is asho ebi. This is simply the act of wearing a specific wrapper or lace which may be accompanied by headgear during an event along with hundreds of other people . This is done to express loyalty, support or solidarity. It could be a funeral, wake keep, naming ceremony or birthday.
It is important to point out that it is only on rare occasions that men bother about ashoebi. A man can wear something as casual as jeans and t-shirt and he is good to go for any occasion. However, women are crazy about ashoebi for the fact that it makes them feel like they belong.
The ashoebi is usually decided by the celebrant of birthday, or marriage who may have preferred colours. In the case of funeral, it is most likely decided by the aggrieved party or parties.
A stranger to Nigerian weddings may be amazed by how colourful it is. This is because in one wedding, there could be more than ten ashoebis, each representing a class or relationship.
In one wedding one witnessed, there was ashoebi of #45, 000. This was worn by the high class friends of both mothers of the couple. Next to it was an ashoebi of #7000. This was worn by all and sundry.
At weddings like this, in church, all may be treated as equal. But the moment everyone steps on the reception ground, there would be class disparity. Those wearing the expensive ashoebi are usually given an exalted position, while those wearing the cheap one, will have to make do with any position.
It also means that those wearing expensive ashoebi will be seated on round tables where there will be assorted drinks for their consumption. And when it is eating time, they will be served first and the best, while others will be served whatever remains.
If you have ever experienced the disparity, then you will understand why some people go to all lengths to wear the expensive ashoebi. According to a Lagos based Jos lady, Mrs Attah, “No one wants to be looked down on ”. She cited a situation where those that wear expensive ashoebi are not only treated like royalty but are given very expensive souvenirs. Those in the other class are ignored or if lucky, given rubber bowls or dust pan.
Attah corroborated the notion that so many women borrow money or do unwholesome acts to make sure they buy ashoebi. A lady who wants to remain anonymous said some of her friends in Abuja will go out of their way to use what they have to get what they want, especially if the wedding is here in Jos, better still in the village. She explained that to maintain the name Abuja babe, which is synonymous with ‘big girl’ is not easy.
From every indication, ashoebi has done more harm than good. Apart from class distinction, it has robbed couples of gifts. Mrs Laven said that if she coughs out so much money to buy your ashoebi, then you should understand and don’t expect any gift. Gifts used to be part and parcel of marriage that used to help newly weds begin their home.
Mr Shitnaan said he hates ashoebi because it has cost him so much. He is a civil servant who has had to pay for ashoebi more than twice to avoid a fight with his wife. Shitnaan said he alone knows what he went through to pull through those times as regards feeding his family.
Another man who does not want his name in print for obvious reasons, said every sane man hates ashoebi because it is no respecter of budgets. He said his wife would always plan with the ashoebi sellers to bring it directly to him. And he would be shameless to refuse to buy one for his wife depending on the relationship.
In different ways, the men are pleading with women to consider the harsh economic condition and give them some space to handle other important issues on the home front.
It will not be out of place for colours to be given instead of ashoebi. That will give everyone peace and bring back the old practice of giving gifts during weddings.
