Who would have believed that the popular American actor, Johnny Depp had allegedly been in an abusive relationship with his wife, Heard. They got married in 2015 but began a legal tussle shortly after, on the issue of physical abuse.
Unfortunately, the rumours making the rounds were that the Pirates of the Caribbean main actor was the one perpetrating the physical abuse against his wife. It was not until the testimony of Dr Shannon Curry portrayed Depp’s wife as the perpetrator rather than the victim, which was easier to believe because she is a woman and much younger than Depp.
There is no society in the world that thinks a wife beating her husband is normal. It is something that is frowned at globally because of the general belief that men are stronger than women physically. Or that a woman should be under a man. Our traditions promote that and so do our various religions which give a man the upper arm in all ramifications.
Sometime ago, there was a short video trending on the social media platforms. It was about a man and woman who must have swerved their positions. In the video, the woman who was without doubt in- charge, was instructing her husband who had before him a mortar and held a pestle ready to pound pounded yam, that anywhere he sees yam, he should pound. Everything was okay until she threw yam into her mouth. Her servant husband aimed for her mouth with all his strength with the pestle. Use your imagination to guess what ensued after that.
One has seen men who fear their wives so much that they can’t be natural in their company. One in particular can flow in conversations as long as his wife was not present. But the moment his wife was around, he was tongue tied.
A friend said her friend has turned her husband into a stooge. He does the house, cooks, goes to market. She claims that the Bible says he who does not work does not eat. His sin is that he depends on his wife for everything. He was unlucky to be among the few people retrenched from his office for no reason. And since he has no guts to go into business, his business minded wife has switched position with him.
While growing up, we had a neighbour who used to shout at her husband as if he was a fool. In fact, there were a few times she even asked him in our presence if he was a fool. The man was so embarrassed that he walked away silently. The wife became the boss ever since her husband retired. The moment his relations noticed that, they all found their way out of the house. In their place, the wife’s relations filled everywhere. And he became less and less important.
Another man who silently endured torture by his wife said, his undoing was empowering her to do business. The moment the business started moving well, and she was financially buoyant and even independent, her attitude towards her husband changed. His voice in his house became nothing. His wife automatically switched places with him.
His case became so bad because he became a stranger in his home. None of his relatives could come and visit, they got the message and stayed away. He made sure he was relevant as far as their financial needs were concerned. But even with that, they began forgetting to keep his meals for him or feed him anytime he came back home from work.
These and much more pushed him to the arms of another woman who began to do everything his wife was not doing at home. That was the time his wife came down from her high horse and began accusing him of infidelity. He said he didn’t deny but told her that she pushed him to the arms of another woman. It took divine intervention to separate him from his girlfriend. It was only possible because his wife changed for the better too.
The cases where men were or are being abused in their relationship or marriage are numerous but not as many as that of women suffering abuse or battery in their marriage. It is not only when the woman is richer than the man. Or when the man depends on his wife for everything. There are isolated cases where the man is the one who pays the piper but the woman dictates the tune. In this case, her husband is a pawn in her hand and does as she says no matter what people say. She controls his wealth and channels it towards her selfish needs. He can do nothing on his own but will often run to her to pat him like a dog.
Cases also abound where women use sex as a weapon to give only when they are happy with their husband. And withhold when unhappy. Many marriages have headed for the rocks because of this attitude. It has also sent faithful men to the arms of strange women whose stock in trade is to destroy homes.
The book of Esther in the Bible is the book every woman should read before getting married. The first chapters tell us how Queen Vashti lost her position as a queen because of insubordination to her king. All that the king asked of her was to come so that he could show off her beauty to his nobles. But she refused him that simple request. As a consequence, she was dethroned.
Nowadays, the attitude of insubordination by wives abounds. The moment a woman thinks she is well rooted, it begins to manifest. The man becomes a rubber stamp except he stamps his feet. The clergy needs to intervene with more spiritual education on this aspect to nip the trend in the bud.
